Abortion Leads to Emotional Damage for Men,
Too
By: Kathryn Lopez
You might have heard about a "Roe v.
Wade for men" by now. It's a despicable matter, but may also be
an unintentional opportunity.
On March 9, the National Center for Men filed a lawsuit in a
Michigan court on behalf of their headline-maker in a
25-year-old computer programmer, Matthew Dubay, who doesn't want
to pay child support to his ex-girlfriend for the baby he says
she chose to have. He didn't want a kid, and he wasn't kidding.
He wants the "right to choose," too.
The Center argues: "More than three decades ago Roe v. Wade
gave women control of their reproductive lives, but nothing in
the law changed for men. Women can now have sexual intimacy
without sacrificing reproductive choice. ... But men are
routinely forced to give up control, forced to be financially
responsible for choices only women are permitted to make, forced
to relinquish reproductive choice as the price of intimacy."
A "Roe v. Wade for men," however, will only make a messed-up
world worse. Dubay and his ex-girlfriend, of course, made a
reproductive choice when they engaged in sexual activity.
I'm reminded of a controversial laugh line from comedian
Chris Rock: "Abortion, it's beautiful, it's beautiful abortion
is legal. I love going to an abortion rally to pick up women,
cause you know they are f." The National Center for Men wants
that "beautiful" life, no strings attached. Do I really have to
offer up courses in Morality 101 and Remedial Maturity for you
to know where I'm going with this?
But save for the press guy at the National Center for Men --
and the group's acolytes who subscribed to this illogic -- there
is absolutely nothing beautiful about abortion. Aside from the
tragedy of a poor child who will someday read terrible headlines
about a father who went to great lengths to make clear he wanted
nothing to do with her, talk of Roe and men highlights something
under the national radar: abortion and its effect on men.
"Roe v. Wade not only takes the life of the unborn child, but
it also tempts the natural father to kill off his instinct to
protect and provide for his children," says Kevin Burke,
associate director of Rachel's Vineyard, a post-abortion-healing
ministry of Priests For Life. "Beneath the legal arguments, we
have to ask this man, 'regardless of the circumstances of her
conception, your daughter now lives, breathes and walks this
Earth. How can you still reject her, and withhold your love and
support?"'
That's a personal matter, not a legal argument. But it's also
a state of mind the culture of Roe has given birth to. "Because
of Roe," as Burke puts it, "children are disposable, the gift of
their lives is reduced to a 'legal issue' to be debated and
decided."
And it's also a lie.
As Burke puts it: "beneath the detached exterior, men often
are suffering from their participation in abortion, and need to
grieve the loss of their children."
"Man's innate role as defender/protector/provider to his
children -- which I would argue is as biologically intrinsic as
that of a mother's need to nurture her child -- is gravely
violated by participation in abortion," Burke tells me. "Men do
not always recognize the symptoms they experience as having
their roots in an abortion decision -- but scratch the surface
and you will see it. ... They may struggle to make commitments,
to be emotionally present to their current wives and children,
to embrace their role as spiritual and moral leader in the home
... deep down they know they compromised that authority when
they aborted their son or daughter in the past."
As Burke works with men, though, he's optimistic. "The good
news is that with healing men can grow to fully embrace their
manhood/fatherhood in a life-giving way that is a blessing to
families and communities. When you begin to peel away the layers
of the effects of Roe v. Wade on women and men, couples,
families ... you see that this is really a community
mental-health concern."
None of Burke's talk is meant to hand anyone a victim card,
but rather than looking for new ways to put a cultural
imprimatur on irresponsibility, now's as good a time as any to
step back and take a look at what 33 years of legal abortion has
done to the lives it's touched (never mind ended).
In recent years, groups have popped out from under Roe to
address the pain women feel in the wake of abortions. One of
them, Feminists for Life, says that "women deserve better" than
abortion. But -- and here's where Dubay's nonsense narrowly
comes in handy -- abortion is not just a women's issue. It's a
human issue -- touching women, men and, of course, children. We
all deserve better than abortion. And the last thing we need is
more Roe-ing.
Kathryn Lopez is the editor of National Review Online
(www.nationalreview.com). She can be contacted at
klopez@nationalreview.com.
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